So, how did it go, after all?
Well, that depends on your expectations. I consider it at least a partial success, as the baby can now be placed in his crib around 7 p.m. and will only fuss or cry a few minutes at most, and sometimes not at all. Last night he called "Mama" once or twice, and then did a little babbling to himself before falling asleep.
So he can fall asleep on his own, but staying asleep doesn't always happen. Last night, for instance, he woke at 12:50 and joined me in bed, snuggling on my chest. Then he woke again around 3, and wouldn't stop crying till I held him on my chest again. But when he decided he wanted to change position and squirmed off of me, he cried again until I picked him back up. This followed a night in which he slept from 7:30 to 6:50 a.m., uninterrupted. Little weirdo.
Below is the play-by-play of the first week of training, for anyone going through the same thing and wondering if it will ever get better. I generally wrote the notes in the morning before work, updating them later when my husband gave me his wake-up times. We started on a Tuesday evening, so most of these were work-days...which, in retrospect, might not have been the best idea, especially because I was not in control of his daytime naps on those days and was not sure how well-rested he would be. But again, with a baby, you do what you have to whenever you manage to do it.
Night 1: Cried standing up for 40 mins while I sat on the bed wearing earplugs and feeling like a torturer. I lay down to show him what to do, but he was stubbornly standing even when he started to fall asleep. He just rested his head on the side of the crib and continued to stand there, whimpering and occasionally outright crying at me. Eventually, I stood up and laid him down and rubbed his back as he snuffled and snivelled to sleep just before 8 pm. He woke at 3 am and was impossible to settle without a little bit of breast. He fell asleep again around 5 and slept till my husband woke him around 7 because he had to leave for university.
Night 2: Cried for two full hours, one with me sitting next to him, then another hour with his father cajoling and wheedling and eventually lying on the floor next to him. Fell asleep just after 9 pm. Woke at 3:40 and was again inconsolable without a little suckle, but only for a minute or so. Then kicked and tossed till I got up at 5, then fussed some more till his dad put him to sleep again around 5:30. Slept till 8:20.
Night 3: Very sleepy while eating dinner and being bathed, so we tried to put him down a bit before 7. Clung a bit as we went toward crib. Stayed lying down when I put him there, but crying loudly and miserably. Eventually stood up to reach for me, but I lay on the bed and kept my eyes closed and pretended to be asleep. After a while, he lay himself down again and cried and whimpered for a total of 22 mins. Then fell asleep by 7:13. He woke at 11:30, came to bed but didn’t get a boob, and eventually fell asleep again till he was woken by Maurizio, who had to leave for work by 7:40.
Night 4:
I was alone with him in the evening, so we were relaxed. We chatted to my family, climbed the stairs a few times, took a bath, snuggled on the sofa listening to Christmas music, and then headed to bed around 6:55. He clung again as I neared the crib, but when I laid him down he didn’t get up, just lay there crying. And the crying only lasted about 8 minutes, at which point I tried to come over and check to see if he had kicked off his blankets, but he must have heard/felt me, because he immediately woke up and stood up, so I jumped back into my own bed and hid under the covers while he whimpered and re-settled himself, and then went back to sleep. I didn’t dare to move, so I dozed there for about 20 minutes till I heard Maurizio come home, and assumed it was probably safe. We went downstairs and ate dinner and watched some TV, and the baby woke at 9:40 and was crying to be picked up, and we discovered he had a poo, so we cleaned him and creamed his red bum, and then I brought him into bed and snuggled him (refusing all insistent requests for breast) till he fell asleep again. He woke in the early hours (maybe 4:30? I didn’t check this time) and kicked around for an hour, then resettled around 6, but at that point my back was hurting and I had to tinkle, so I got up at 6:20 and slipped out of the room. He was stirring again by 6:50 and up by 7.
I was alone with him in the evening, so we were relaxed. We chatted to my family, climbed the stairs a few times, took a bath, snuggled on the sofa listening to Christmas music, and then headed to bed around 6:55. He clung again as I neared the crib, but when I laid him down he didn’t get up, just lay there crying. And the crying only lasted about 8 minutes, at which point I tried to come over and check to see if he had kicked off his blankets, but he must have heard/felt me, because he immediately woke up and stood up, so I jumped back into my own bed and hid under the covers while he whimpered and re-settled himself, and then went back to sleep. I didn’t dare to move, so I dozed there for about 20 minutes till I heard Maurizio come home, and assumed it was probably safe. We went downstairs and ate dinner and watched some TV, and the baby woke at 9:40 and was crying to be picked up, and we discovered he had a poo, so we cleaned him and creamed his red bum, and then I brought him into bed and snuggled him (refusing all insistent requests for breast) till he fell asleep again. He woke in the early hours (maybe 4:30? I didn’t check this time) and kicked around for an hour, then resettled around 6, but at that point my back was hurting and I had to tinkle, so I got up at 6:20 and slipped out of the room. He was stirring again by 6:50 and up by 7.
Night 5:
Saturday, and we had gone to a Thanksgiving dinner in the north of the city, so we didn’t get him home till about 8 p.m., and he had just fallen asleep in the car when we arrived. I simply removed his sweater and shoes and put him to bed by 8:17. He barely even protested, just a whimper or two. He woke at 4:15 and came to our bed, looking for breast and very upset when he didn’t get it. I almost gave in, because he hadn’t eaten much by way of dinner and I thought he was hungry, but Maurizio told me to stay strong and resist, so I did, and eventually (after an hour or so of kicking), he fell back to sleep. But we had to be up by 5:30 to go to the lake, and I had to wake him at 6:40 to get him dressed.
Saturday, and we had gone to a Thanksgiving dinner in the north of the city, so we didn’t get him home till about 8 p.m., and he had just fallen asleep in the car when we arrived. I simply removed his sweater and shoes and put him to bed by 8:17. He barely even protested, just a whimper or two. He woke at 4:15 and came to our bed, looking for breast and very upset when he didn’t get it. I almost gave in, because he hadn’t eaten much by way of dinner and I thought he was hungry, but Maurizio told me to stay strong and resist, so I did, and eventually (after an hour or so of kicking), he fell back to sleep. But we had to be up by 5:30 to go to the lake, and I had to wake him at 6:40 to get him dressed.
Night 6:
I put him in his crib at 7:21, and he stood up and cried at me for a few minutes, but as I got into bed and stayed there, he eventually lay back down and went to sleep. Was out before 7:30, and stayed there all night! Was still sleeping in his own bed when I left just after 6 a.m., and husband says he woke a little before 7.
I put him in his crib at 7:21, and he stood up and cried at me for a few minutes, but as I got into bed and stayed there, he eventually lay back down and went to sleep. Was out before 7:30, and stayed there all night! Was still sleeping in his own bed when I left just after 6 a.m., and husband says he woke a little before 7.
Night 7:
His nap was interrupted earlier in the day, so he was really tired, and husband thought we should try to put him down early. I was skeptical, but gave in and tried to put him down around 6:35. He clung to me as I put him down and then cried for 5 minutes and went to sleep, but when I checked on him, he was in a really uncomfortable-looking twisted position. So I tried gently to adjust him, and his little head popped up and he saw me. I retreated hastily to the bed to show him what to do, but he was standing now, and he cried for a good 10 more minutes before lying back down and snuffling to sleep just before 7 pm. Poor baby. And then he woke at 1:52 a.m. and joined us in bed, but very sweetly clung to my chest for the first half-hour or so before rolling away. And he woke again around 3:30 or 4 to moan and flop and kick and readjust for a while, but then slept till 7.
His nap was interrupted earlier in the day, so he was really tired, and husband thought we should try to put him down early. I was skeptical, but gave in and tried to put him down around 6:35. He clung to me as I put him down and then cried for 5 minutes and went to sleep, but when I checked on him, he was in a really uncomfortable-looking twisted position. So I tried gently to adjust him, and his little head popped up and he saw me. I retreated hastily to the bed to show him what to do, but he was standing now, and he cried for a good 10 more minutes before lying back down and snuffling to sleep just before 7 pm. Poor baby. And then he woke at 1:52 a.m. and joined us in bed, but very sweetly clung to my chest for the first half-hour or so before rolling away. And he woke again around 3:30 or 4 to moan and flop and kick and readjust for a while, but then slept till 7.
Night 8:He went down at 7:20 and cried for only 3 minutes. He moaned a little around 4, and readjusted quite a few times, but stayed put. Then he woke at 6 or so when my husband got up to tinkle. (I, of course, had tinkled at 4, but in the other bathroom, moving like a ninja to slip past the crib and out the door!)
Reflection:
After a week of this training, the baby does appear to be regularly going to sleep on his own, which is a big win for me, and if we manage to get another night or two where he doesn’t wake up and join us, I will consider the whole process a success. It has been emotionally painful, but I think we were all ready to have this happen. The hardest part is realising how much I am going to miss his little snuggles in the middle of the night. And, because we have weaned down to one breastfeed a day (and there isn’t much left for him at this point, anyway), I am starting to miss being able to use the power of the breast to calm and soothe him. He has entered a tantrum stage, and all I can do now is ignore, distract, or carry him till they stop. I knew this day would come, but like all steps in his growth out of babyhood, it is making me nostalgic and weepy. Nevertheless, we are on our way to being a Big Boy and a Less Tired Mommy, so hopefully everyone will adjust and enjoy the new stage.
After a week of this training, the baby does appear to be regularly going to sleep on his own, which is a big win for me, and if we manage to get another night or two where he doesn’t wake up and join us, I will consider the whole process a success. It has been emotionally painful, but I think we were all ready to have this happen. The hardest part is realising how much I am going to miss his little snuggles in the middle of the night. And, because we have weaned down to one breastfeed a day (and there isn’t much left for him at this point, anyway), I am starting to miss being able to use the power of the breast to calm and soothe him. He has entered a tantrum stage, and all I can do now is ignore, distract, or carry him till they stop. I knew this day would come, but like all steps in his growth out of babyhood, it is making me nostalgic and weepy. Nevertheless, we are on our way to being a Big Boy and a Less Tired Mommy, so hopefully everyone will adjust and enjoy the new stage.
